From The Confessional: We Are Coping By Clicking ‘Add To Cart’

Thanksgiving week, over the past few years, has become synonymous with amazing shopping deals—and this year they’re all online! Maybe the fact that we really can do all of our holiday shopping without putting pants on is the COVID silver lining?

But for some, the ease and instant gratification of online shopping has gotten out of control. What used to be a fun distraction or means for a “treat yourself” occasional splurge is now a full-blown obsession with no hopes of ever paying off the bill.

So this year, let’s remember to keep track of our spending, but also take advantage of the ability to stay out of stores and help stop this relentless COVID spread. Enjoy a hot cup of tea or glass of wine and do your shopping from your couch—you’ll love it and might never shop in a store again. Also, remember that your delivery workers are putting in long hours, so don’t forget to say thank you. Consider leaving a bottle of water, Gatorade, or soda and bag of treats on your porch to show your appreciation for the UPS delivery person who barrels down your street twice a day.

And if you spot a fab online deal, tell your mom and sister and bestie so they can get in on that action too—that’s the rule.

Happy shopping.

Confessional #25806067

“I've lied to everyone. I say I'm a minimalist, but I LOVE online shopping. I'm homebound, so deliveries give me something to look forward to. I make sure I never have an abundance of stuff, though.”

Confessional #25792525

“Got a birth announcement about my youngest cousin's first child, so I went on Amazon to get her some baby toys. Good LORD - I'd forgotten how deep a rabbit hole baby shopping can be!”

Confessional #25787185

“My son moved and I had the best time shopping for stuff for his new place.”

Confessional #11689674

“I love online shopping over going to the store, but add to it that hot man in his UPS uniform that delivers it and DAMN! I shop everyday. He should be here any minute.....”

Some people (and by “people” I mean me) LOVE online shopping. “Add to cart” is my favorite phrase ever, and my favorite emails include the word “delivered.”

Confessional #25795529

“I can’t stop shopping. It’s so embarrassing”

Confessional #25784762

“I've had to completely remove all my cards from my favorite shopping places. My shopping has gone out of control during this pandemic”

Confessional #25498556

“I’m addicted to online shopping on Etsy and smoking weed. I’m trying so fucking hard to stop, but my kids and being a work from home mom and my family history has made me miserable. Idk what to do”

Confessional #24838192

“I'm addicted to online shopping. We can afford my purchases but I really don't need more stuff. I do it because I'm bored.”

Confessional #16713020

“Six of the eight most visited websites on my cell phone are for online shopping”

However, it’s so easy and such a fun distraction that it can be hard to stop. Especially when those sneaky ads pop up convincing you that you NEED a light-up Grinch for your yard when you already have a blow-up Santa, blow-up reindeer, and giant candy canes lining your sidewalk (and also your bank account is bare).

Confessional #25794437

“I have been shopping online to deal with depression and it makes a horrid cycle. Spending too much makes me amxious, so I shop to feel better. How fucked up is that?”

Confessional #25758743

“I worry that the poor won't have access to goods or food because of online shopping. It's not a craze. It is a clear socioeconomic gap. And I work for Amazon!”

Confessional #18008360

“"I make too much money and am too old to still be this broke, in debt, and living paycheck to paycheck. I don't understand why things are this way." I say to myself as I fill my online shopping cart with more shit I don't need.”

Confessional #20812009

“Now that I have a little bit of extra money, I see how dangerous online shopping is going to be for me.”

The truth is, online shopping can get you into trouble. Because guess what’s coming in a few weeks? That credit card bill, sucker. Also, this is not an effective coping strategy for dealing with your mental health. All it’s going to do is drag you into debt, which isn’t good for anybody.

Confessional #18845730

“Every time my door bell rings my kids say "mom another Christmas present is here"! Love online shopping!”

Confessional #25759766

“I see from the email receipt I received that an order I placed went through just 27 seconds before midnight, and the end of the store's Black Friday 25% off sale. It's ridiculous how pumped and triumphant I am about just getting in under the wire.”

Confessional #20396236

“I like online shopping. I like receiving deliveries, even if they're just vitamins.”

Confessional #19580920

“I'm just chillaxing all day under a blanket, online shopping! Perfect Saturday!”

Confessional #17379695

“I need to get my finances in order and pay off debt. Starting next week I'm gonna track every $ and cut back on expenses. But for now - like when a dieter says they'll start on Mon - I'm gonna indulge and do one last online shopping splurge.”

But if you’re able to pay the bill once it comes due, online shopping is exactly the salve many of us need in 2020. We can’t stroll through stores. We can’t grab lunch with our besties. And this Christmas, we can’t even see Grandma. This year sucks in lots of ways. But know what doesn’t suck? Your doorbell ringing and a delivery appearing on your porch.

For me, online shopping was already a big part of my life prior to the COVID outbreak. But now it’s a lifeline. All of my gifts for my kids, my husband, my parents, and my girlfriends all over the country have been purchased via the click of a button this year. But now, even my groceries come that way too. I haven’t had to change out of sweats or put a bra on to go shopping in months. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever go back. Sorry, malls. I’m an online girl for life now.

The post From The Confessional: We Are Coping By Clicking ‘Add To Cart’ appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: Potty Training Sucks

Hands down, the hardest part of parenting for me (so far—I haven’t raised teenagers yet) has been potty training. It broke me, utterly and completely. I had no idea the knock-down-drag-out battles I’d have with my kids. I started with my first child before he was ready because my friends were starting. I fought my last child and tried to have control even though he was far too strong-willed. I internalized every accident each of them had as my own failure—because why weren’t we further along?

Basically, I did everything wrong from the Potty Training 101 Handbook.

I cried, slammed doors, drank wine, and just as I was finishing up with one child, another one was old enough to start, trapping me in damn near a decade of potty training hell.

So if this is you—if you are realizing you started too early and now you don’t know if you should quit or keep going, or if you are feeling like a failure because your kid is four and still having accidents, or if you think your head might actually spin off if you have to wipe one more butt—I get it. I’ve been there. And when they say “Haha! Don’t worry, they won’t go to college in diapers!” and you want to punch them because you honestly really don’t know if that’s true, know this. They really won’t go to college in diapers. (You can punch me.) And also, you’re doing great. You’re a good mom. Your kid is a fantastic kid, whenever they finally get to the potty in time and learn to wipe their own butts.

Confessional #25806076

“f potty training arghhh!”

Confessional #25731198

“Hearing about potty training success when my daughter is medically struggling with this makes me stabby.”

Confessional #25544482

“Currently dwelling in the hell that is potty training. Don’t know if I’m gonna make it, I have 2 little humans peeing all over my house, pray for me”

“Frustration” is not even a strong enough word for how hellacious potty training can be.

Confessional #25796340

“Potty training a toddler while wfh during a pandemic is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I fucking quit. Can I please just fucking quit. Or can I go back to my office with childcare, please for the love of god”

Confessional #25749633

“I just gave up on potty training and it rules”

Confessional #21860236

“Potty training sucks. After 4 pairs of wet undies and a floor puddle and couch puddle I give up for now. Can't handle this shit.”

If you quit for now, it’s okay. If you don’t quit but really want to and just mutter “fuck this shit” all day long, that’s okay too.

Confessional #25788960

“We (mostly me) decided to get a puppy. Well, we couldn't decide so we took 2. Now I'm sweating my ass off in the yard, potty training and all the kids are in the AC playing video games! FML!!”

Confessional #22028570

“Adopted the cutest puppy. She is 4 lbs. of terror. I hope this puppy stage doesn't last long! The potty training and biting ( due to teething ) is crazy!”

Confessional #21861720

“Finally got the puppy me and dc begged for. I've never been more tired. Potty training a puppy sucks ass! She's had no accidents in my house because I'm in the back yard almost all day! Kids still in house on iPads!”

And here’s a fun tidbit—sometimes you get your kids a puppy because Mommy’s fun! And who doesn’t love puppies?! But guess what? You gotta potty train that little fucker too. Neat.

Confessional #25757827

“My kid is still potty training at 4 years old. One day, while running errands, he shit in his little potty I carry in my car. I didn’t know what to do with it so I chucked it into a bush in the middle of the shopping center and hauled ass outta there.”

Confessional #25751729

“I can't even understand my 2 year olds sometimes. Today, I thought he was telling he wanted a cookie when he actually was telling me he had an accident in his undies(potty training here). I moved on and he went in soaked undies for 3 more hours! Oops.”

Undoubtedly once you’re through with potty training, you’ll have some epic stories to share with other moms in the trenches. Like that time you threw your kid’s shit in the bushes at Target.

Confessional #25315152

“I'm finally happy now that DD started school. But I didn't enjoy single bit of the baby and toddler stages unless she was snuggling with me or asleep. One and done for the pure fact I'm not going though those 1st 4 years again. Also, fuck potty training.”

Confessional #23913360

“DH wants another baby, I'm one and done. I LOVE our DS, but hated every sec of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and the baby stage. And now that he's potty training I honestly don't know how ANYONE has more than one. This is hell. It's also a one-time deal.”

Confessional #21861338

“Potty training is what made me stop at one kid. Actually, just the whole toddler stage. Yeah, I'm never doing that shit again.”

Potty training breaks a lot of us, reducing us to a shell of who we once were. For some, it’s challenging enough to make them say “Nope!” to more kids. And that’s perfectly okay.

Confessional #22146967

“Poop is the worst thing of potty training. I thought everyone was just exaggerating. My God! Now my day revolve around getting a poop out”

Confessional #21989159

“Potty training is hard yes but why didn’t anyone warn me about the poop fear. Holding it in, me constantly worried if they will go or what they eat, scared it’ll be blocked and never go away. Bribes don’t even work. Can anything just go right”

Also, lots of parents are shocked and sorely unprepared for toddler poops. Potty training is not all pee puddles, friends! Dealing with an epic three-year-old man-poop in a public bathroom at a birthday party is where shit *literally* gets real.

Confessional #25107278

“I’d rather change DS’s diapers for another year than go back into the mess and misery of potty training.”

Confessional #25092924

“Potty training plus dropping the nap is going to make me lose my f*ing mind.”

Confessional #22150237

“Im so bad about keeping a routine for myself that potty training my toddler isnt working because I'm not consistent enough.My own bad habits are causing me to fail as a mother just two years in and it's breaking me”

Potty training can be exhausting beyond belief and make you feel like you’re failing as a parent, like you’re going bonkers, or both. There are those magical unicorn kids who master the whole thing in three days. None of them live at my house. My kids prefer the three-year method, which equates to loooooots of Mommy day-drinking and crying in the pantry.

But, we made it through, and so will you. Even if they regress a hundred times and you have to still bring back up underwear everywhere you go for a while. Hang in there, parents. Remember, in a few years they’ll be teenagers asking for the car keys and we’ll wish more than anything to go back to the days of our biggest stress being a pee stain on the rug.

The post From The Confessional: Potty Training Sucks appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: Credit Card Purchases Are Ruining A Lot Of Marriages

For a lot of marriages, finances are the #1 cause of fights and unhappiness. A lot of moms are sharing that credit cards are making things rough at home.

Money money money…MONEY: the most common cause of marital strife, because debt is a b*tch. Debt is a common and heavy burden on many Americans — about 40% of households carry consumer debt, which can include student loans and car payments as well as credit cards. When it comes to credit cards, however, those who carry them owe an average of $5000-7000. Which is not going down well in many marriages, according to our Confessional.

Research shows that carrying consumer debt can take a toll on your marriage—especially if you and your spouse tend to fight about it. In a study of more than 4500 married couples, researchers saw that couples who took on more debt over time became more likely to divorce. Couples with higher debt also tend to fight more about money and reported lower marital satisfaction.

Confessional #25794043

“DH insisted in running our finances and he sucks at it. Found out we’re in huge debt. Fuck that, I took over and paid off credit cards. So stupid to just pay minimum, geez!”

Confessional #25767203

“If H & I e er split up, it won't be because of adultery, abuse, drugs/alcohol, parenting differences or a sexless marriage. No. It will be because he has the financial savvy of a teenager with credit cards. And I'm not going to be poor because of him!”

Confessional #25246047

“We’ve racked up so many credit cards that we have no extra money each month, living paycheck to paycheck bc of minimum payments FML. I am so dumb”

The thing about credit cards is when you get approved for one with a decent limit, it’s so hard not to whip it out and pay for things you want and need. And when things are tight financially, many people don’t have a choice but to rely on them.

Confessional #23999828

“DH has 15 credit cards, can't figure out what statement goes with which, and gets mad at me because he doesn't know how to use the new card member points or benefits. If he applies for one more credit card, I will divorce him.”

Confessional #21881809

“Finally got my bankruptcy off my credit report and was able to get credit cards again now I’ve got myself in way too much credit card debt again! damn it what the fuck is wrong with me?! Really hope I can get it all paid down this time”

Confessional #20956912

“H called me "negligent" for letting my credit cards fall behind. What did you think would happen taking a 40k pay cut to be PTSahm ? Constantly complained about me not being home. You didnt think I'd need some of your $ to survive?”

In the study, researchers also found that taking on credit card debt was linked to lower marriage satisfaction (though paying them off was linked to higher satisfaction, natch). And when couples took on debt, they tended to fight more, spend less time with each other, and perceive unfairness in how money was handled in their marriage. Which means fights, fights, and more fights.

Confessional #20680535

“I cleaned out the pile of papers my hoarder DH had in the dining room. Found a stack of debit/credit cards. He swears he never saw them but I don't open mail in his name. He never looks at stuff just sticks it somewhere to deal with later.”

Confessional #19906558

“Somebody please help me! Take away my debit and credit cards! I’m developing an Ugg obsession and can’t stop buying them!”

Confessional #19305070

“DH is 40, unemployed, with our DD in FT daycare. I work FT plus OT every week. Our credit cards are maxed out over $50k. He told me today he wants to go to grad school next fall. Yeah, and I want a purple unicorn. Wish I'd said that out loud.”

Some couples are able to figure out a debt strategy that works for them while others, well, that’s not entirely realistic. Which is causing major drama in the Confessional.

Confessional #18804020

“Maybe someday I will not have to rely on credit cards for daily necessities like food.”

Confessional #18479962

“I associate middle class with entitlement. I do X so I deserve Y. Even if Y means running up credit cards or treating your house's equity like an ATM.”

Confessional #17590322

“DH and I are nearly $100,000 in debt from school, car, and credit cards. Whenever I think about it the weight crushes me until I feel like I’m going to vomit. I have no idea how we’re going to pay it back.”

Sending out major positive vibes to everyone struggling right now. 2020 is a rough year, the economy is in the tank, and things are tight. You’re not alone and you’re doing your best!

The post From The Confessional: Credit Card Purchases Are Ruining A Lot Of Marriages appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: A Lot Of Moms Are Married To Sexist Assholes

Check on your friends with sexist, asshole husbands — there are a lot of them, and they are NOT okay

The confessional is full of wives venting about their husbands — normal, right? Sure, a lot of it is. Typical, relatable stuff. But some of these moms are married to some seriously, seriously sexist, misogynist assholes! Some of these guys expect their wives to play mommy to them and the kids, stay at home, cook, clean, micromanage everyone’s schedules, hand over paychecks, and have essentially zero control over their own finances and lives.

Are straight women okay? Whew. It sure doesn’t seem like it. Though these guys are total jerks, it’s hard not to feel for the women who are stuck with them for myriad reasons. Some of these confessions also shed some light on the fact that husbands don’t have to be “bad” partners or fathers to be sexist, and have that sexism take root inside the family structure and pollute it.

Confessional #25766088

“I am so tired of having to stop right in the middle of doing something *I* enjoy - a craft, a book, a nap, a workout - just to make my H supper. I earn money too. I'm tired too. Where's MY dinner, you entitled, useless, selfish, sexist man child?”

Confessional #25530890

“Years ago, made H promise that our marriage would not turn into his parents' marriage: FIL emotionally unavailable and a dismissive sexist to MIL, MIL covertly raging and clearly depressed. We get more like them every year. Already saving for divorce.”

Confessional #21698675

“My fucker of a husband said I only call him out on shit when I’m on my period. I must be on the rag every week b/c I tell him to pick his trash up off the floor at least 2-3 times a week. Sexist douche. Wish I never married him!!”

A lot of women are married to men who support Trump. The fact that they remain married to these men knowing what they stand for…WHEW.

Confessional #25802764

“The fact that my husband is voting for Trump makes me question our relationship.”

Confessional #25799278

“watching debate w/dh who is a trump supporter and talk radio listener. so you see where this is headed. i keep my mouth shut and vote for the future of all of us and our kids. we need to heal this country.”

Confessional #25798304

“faith is shaky. consider myself a progressive christian now. know what i have to do in november. but can't tell dh as he will go nuts if he knows i am not voting for trump again. realize my mistake now. hope we can fix this mess.”

Confessional #25794675

“if i could i'd tell younger me that i did not need to be married to be worth something. it turned out ok for me, but i regret no job/education skills. stuck w/trump supporting bossy hubs. i give in to him as i'd be poor and nowhere to go. i make do.”

Confessional #25793258

“secretly voting for change in november. cannot tell trump loving dh. i pretend so i don't get yelled at. we need a different direction in this country for our kids. going bankrupt for healthcare and education won't cut it anymore.”

Feeling stuck in a marriage with a sexist jerk can be isolating and terrifying. Some of these moms can’t leave because of financial reasons, some don’t want to leave because of the kids.

Confessional #15810366

“H got a new job in the oil patch, pay is good, schedule is good (7days on and 7 off). What's NOT good is the red neck attitude he's getting from the guys up there! Every week he's home he acts more and more like a sexist pig and I'm starting to hate him.”

Confessional #25801905

“My husband bullies me in arguments until he wins. I don’t know why I keep trying to stick up for myself. He just bulldozes me right over.”

Confessional #22175521

“I only stay in my marriage for the money. We're not rich, but he supports the family well. Other than that he's a lying, cheating, closet misogynist.”

Confessional #25784552

“There is not a single room in my house that has not been destroyed by kids and H. Marriage and motherhood are a trap to keep women too busy cleaning to be leaders.”

Several studies about sexism have found that men in heterosexual relationships who skew more on the sexist side tend to believe they have lower levels of power in their relationship, even if their partner disagreed. So yes, sexism is all about power — and always wanting more, whether they have it or not.

Confessional #1709062

“DH is an awesome husband and dad. But his occasionally mild racist, selfish, sexist opinions and remarks drive me potty. It chips away at my respect for him and one day I fear I won't like him as a person at all anymore”

Confessional #1636749

“I'm pregnant & went out with DH. Finally got home at 3:30 Am-DH demanded sex and when I said I was too tired he said I owed him. Always felt he was sexist and entitled. He said he was disappointed in me.”

“The link between men’s hostile sexism and aggression is well established, and it’s always been assumed that it’s about power,” says Emily Cross, a doctoral candidate at the University of Auckland in New Zealand and the lead author of the study. “What prior theory and research has not specified, however, is what exactly it is about power that accounts for this relationship.” Past theories have focused on sexist men’s general desire for power over women, regardless of how much power they already have in day-to-day life; Cross and her co-authors hypothesized instead that men’s feelings of powerlessness in their personal lives may be more to blame.

Now this is the kind of “sexism” we can all get behind:

Confessional #1716836

“I realize it's sexist, but I strongly believe women are superior to men in almost every way. It baffles me why anyone would think otherwise.”

The post From The Confessional: A Lot Of Moms Are Married To Sexist Assholes appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: Moms Are Smoking Weed To Cope With The Pandemic

In order to cope with *gestures widely*, these moms are smoking weed and don’t give AF what anyone thinks

It’s no secret that this entire year is one giant, nightmarish anxiety attack come to life. Every single day. There’s a global pandemic, it’s an election year in the U.S., people have been protesting for civil rights in the streets week after week for months, the unemployment rate is worrisome, the economy is taking a nosedive, the housing market is crashing, people are dying, schools are closing, and eviction moratoriums have expired nationwide.

Shit is A MESS right now, in other words. And when anxieties are high, so are these moms. No joke, the confessional is chock-full of moms admitting they’ve started smoking weed again for the first time in years. Some never stopped, but have increased their usage. And who could blame them? There’s no one way or right way to deal with everything that’s happening.

Confessional #25801393

“I like to smoke weed and play my favorite video game. It really is the only “social” interaction i get :(”

Confessional #25800226

“DH got some medical-grade weed from a guy at work. BEST. SEX. EVER.”

Confessional #25798699

“I need, at minimum, ambien every night to sleep. And most of the time it’s ambien and weed. And sometimes ambien, weed, and Benadryl. I’ve created a serious problem.”

Sleeplessness is common for moms during the pandemic, with insomnia rates on the rise for mothers specifically. Smoking weed or taking edibles is one way some of them are coping, according to the confessional.

Confessional #25796038

“I love smoking weed in the evening to relax and stretch my body and enjoy my shows and maybe have a good laugh but it irritates me that DH has to maintain his high every minute of every fucking day and just consistently stoned”

Confessional #25795399

“I self medicate with weed and alcohol to control my anxiety. Only 1 or 2 drinks per day, sometimes none if I'm feeling okay. I just can't handle the responsibilities of having 3 jobs, 2 kids, a house, husband, and living in this shitty world.”

Confessional #25794000

“I really need this weed gummy to hurry up and kick in so I can forget about life...”

Across the country, sales are sky-high in states where legal cannabis has been declared “essential medicine” during state shutdowns, allowing stores to stay open. Per CNBC, green-loving ustomers appear to be stocking up — since there’s no end in sight to any of these atrocities, that makes sense.

Confessional #25792407

“I’ve been sleeping so much better since I started smoking weed again.”

Confessional #25783158

“I’ve been smoking way too much weed since the pandemic started. I need to cut back and start being a present and productive human”

Confessional #25782453

“I’m an elementary school teacher and I smoke weed every night to de-stress. It really helps me get through my day to know that before bed, I’ll puff puff pass to dh.”

Many states with legal cannabis dispensaries have deemed them “essential” businesses. And honestly, yes. YES. THEY ARE.

At least they are if you ask these moms, who just don’t give AF.

Confessional #25780313

“Smoking weed and a cig by the bathroom window at the end of the day is LITERALLY my only me time”

Confessional #25773571

“Took my usual Prozac this morning, topped it off with a Xanax and a small bowl of weed. I feel calm and relaxed and don’t give a fuck. These are desperate times.”

Confessional #25773334

“I stocked up on weed edibles to live out this quarantine and get the best possible outcome. I have been "microdosing" so I don't get stoned, just so I chill the fuck out. Thank God for marijuana. Married mom of 3 here.”

When you don’t leave your house much, it’s hard to separate “work life” from “mom life” from “my life.” Add in the regularly unfolding existential crises, amplified parental guilt and worry, and trying not to lose your shit 24/7, it’s no wonder these moms need a little extra help at the end of the day.

The post From The Confessional: Moms Are Smoking Weed To Cope With The Pandemic appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: Lots Of Moms Admit They Resent Being Stepparents

Being a stepparent is hard AF, but for many stepmoms in our Confessional, it goes deeper than that

Let’s face it: being a stepparent is no walk in the park. Entering into marriage with someone you love is one thing (and that’s no easy feat either), but taking on their children and the baggage of your spouse’s past — even if we all have one — can be fraught with stress, tension, and resentment.

Stepfamilies are part of the norm, and become more so each year in the U.S. The majority of families in this country have shifted from the “strictly” biological to divorced and remarried or re-partnered relationships. Though being a stepmom might be a commonality, it’s far from easy. The “evil stepmother” stereotype will likely always persist, partly because of the pain of young children who don’t know how to project it any other way, and partly because some stepmoms might play into it (many do not, of course).

Forcing a family structure is a breeding ground for resentment, though. From the kids, and from the stepparents themselves. Frustration abounds, miscommunication thrives, and before you know it everyone’s unhappy. That’s not always the case with stepfamilies, but it sure can be.

Bottom line: love takes years to develop. Sometimes in stepfamilies, love doesn’t ever develop between a stepparent and stepchild. And that happens. Stepparents should not feel, or be made to feel, guilty for not instantly loving their stepkids. When they do, that guilt, particularly if it goes unaddressed or processed, can really sink into deep-seated resentment.

Confessional #25799576

“I don't hate my stepkids, but this marriage would be a lot easier if he didn't have kids with his ex wife.”

Confessional #25799466

“I resent having to spend even a dollar on stepkids”

Confessional #25798171

“Had to pass on a wonderful opportunity working in Europe because of stepkids. I hope I won't come to regret it. It sting already... Step-parent life can be a real bitch. All the sacrifices to be with their wonderful dad...”

Having to make sacrifices for your spouse’s children is tough. Tough AF.

Confessional #25797626

“As a childless only child I was so happy to move in with stepkids. I didn't know how detached I would feel and how I would sometimes rage inside. This shit is hard”

Confessional #25796705

“I don't hate my stepkids or wish them any harm. I just wish they didn't exist, is all. I know, I know. If someone else said that, I'd be the asshole sanctimoniously crowing "well, you knew he had kids when you married him". I am a hypocrite.”

Confessional #25793559

“My stepkids are the biggest downers. I really don't like when they're here and stink up my house with their shitty energy.”

It’s also worth noting that having to adapt to one way of living without your spouse’s kids around to living with them (if you don’t have them full-time) has to be stressful in its own way.

Confessional #25793208

“I don't want my stepkids around as much. They're sweet, but I need time with my husband. Their mom tries to interfere in our lives, and uses the kids to do it. I'm tired of the whole mess.”

Confessional #25792001

“After years of wishing my kid & stepkids were closer in age, I’m now really glad they’re not. SKs are horrifically behaved, have questionable morals, and are assholes. If I never saw them or they never interacted with my kid ever again, itd be fine w me.”

Confessional #25786240

“I'm ashamed to admit this now, but H having to pay child support, which in turn made me have to join the workforce & not get to be a SAHM for my own kids like I had planned, made me resent the fuck out of my stepkids when they were little.”

The financial strain of child support seems to have a lot of moms on the edge, too.

Confessional #25782347

“While I have nothing against my stepkids, if I had known beforehand the financial stress H's child support payments would cause, I would've said no.”

Confessional #25771641

“I'm glad the stepkids are grown, and that child support & visitation are a thing of the past. Every other weekend I felt like my nest was being trampled on by another hen's chicks & I hated it. Will never tell H this, though.”

Confessional #25771043

“I will always be resentful of the fact that I wasn't able to be a SAHM to my kids because of H's child support payments. Just one of the many ways the stepkids have fucked my shit up over the years. :(”

Confessional #25761434

“Once when the stepkids were little, stepson announced at dinner "when mommy gets her paychecks from daddy, her & her bf go to Reno for the weekend & we get to stay with Grandma". The look on H's face! This is why some men hate paying their child support.”

Bottom line: being a stepparent isn’t for everyone.

Confessional #25755963

“I was so fucking relieved years ago when H tried to go for full custody of the stepkids & didn't get it. I honestly think that would've ended us.”

The post From The Confessional: Lots Of Moms Admit They Resent Being Stepparents appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: Parents Think Zoom School Is A Total Nightmare

One month into the virtual school year and these parents have HAD IT

Hello and welcome to hell, oh, sorry, not hell — but close enough. Zoom school/virtual school/e-learning/distance learning/whatever the hell you want to call it is in its infancy, and basically everyone is over it already.

For the 2020-2021 school year, “back to school” has changed dramatically for many families across the country, and for many parents, the “classroom” is now the dining room table. Most districts are offering virtual learning or a hybrid of at-home learning and in-person learning, and honestly, all of it is stressful for everyone involved. Fun!

“As of September 2, 73% of the 100 largest school districts have chosen remote learning only as their back-to-school instructional model, affecting over 8 million students,” Education Week reports. The goal of remote learning is to recreate the classroom experience and schedule that kids would typically follow if they were physically in school. Sounds great! Except most parents are trying to balance their kids’ rigorous daily schedules with their own full-time work schedules. And technical malfunctions for both. And snacks. And meals.

Concentration and productivity are part of our pre-COVID lives and now we all just want to cry. So it comes as no surprise that parents all over the country have showed up to our Confessional to let it all out. ZOOM SCHOOL IS A TOTAL NIGHTMARE, Y’ALL.

Confessional #25798329

“Virtual learning is killing me. My daughter is only in Kindergarten so I have to do everything with her, then I work a night job. I barely have time to shower.”

Confessional #25797460

“Virtual learning is a nightmare!”

(Hence the title of this article.)

Confessional #25797060

“Virtual learning for little kids and working full time is not freaking sustainable long term. Something has to give. Parents cannot keep doing this without school, work or mental health suffering. I am exhausted & we're only 3 weeks in.”

Confessional #25797030

“So fucking tired of this virtual school bullshit. My kids are not learning and being in front of a screen this much is not good for them , they are 5 for fucks sake !”

Confessional #25796324

“I hate virtual school. H A T E. Fuck this shit. I don’t care if we have to fake some of the stuff they post online.”

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT. (*Sob*)

Confessional #25796131

“I fucking hate virtual learning. ItS terrible for me and my kids.”

Confessional #25795917

“My daughter is starting virtual kindergarten this week and I can’t stop crying. I am so angry at those who let it come to this. My sweet baby is paying the price for their incompetence and inaction.”

Confessional #25795264

“Half-way through day two of virtual school. That’s how long it took for my kid to be 100% over it.”

Feeling this on a spiritual level right now. US, TOO KID.

Confessional #25795152

“So anxious! Working from home FT and staying on top of virtual school for DD... and just the state of everything in the US. Cannot relax and scared to hope things will improve.”

Confessional #25793635

“We started virtual on Monday. My 9 yo son has ADHD. It has been incredibly difficult to help him with his work. I show him where to find the answers he needs, and he just can’t grasp it. I yelled at him for not understanding & I feel awful. I apologized.”

Confessional #25793585

“I hate virtual learning”

Confessional #25793603

“I hate virtual teaching.”

There’s a support group for this — it’s called “every parent/teacher” and they meet at the bar. LOL just kidding, we’re in hell and bars are now cesspools for disease.

Confessional #25793453

“Virtual school while working full time might just be the end of me.”

Confessional #25795649

“I am super introverted and have major social anxiety. At first I thought zoom school for the kids would be a blessing , but having the teachers and students practically in my house every morning is making me lose my mind.”

Will the introverts ever be alone again? Asking for a friend.

Confessional #25797828

“Good schools, teachers are really trying hard, but damn, I'm already sick of tracking zoom meetings and pushing my kids to finish schoolwork. Shouldn't I get paid for this???”

Confessional #25797322

“My kid's first grade teacher just told the kids they can't be in their pajamas for their Zoom classes. Nah, sorry, my kid can wear whatever they want in their own home. Also, I hate my kid's teacher.”

Confessional #25796206

“I broke down during my 3rd grader's Zoom class. While talking to the teacher: on camera, uncombed hair, and braless infront of the whole class.”

Confessional #25795704

“Yelled at my ds for misbehaving in front of zoom class , & I don’t know if the microphone was muted or not. Now I'm wondering if all these people heard me freak out. I didn’t sign up to be a parent in front of 30 people every morning.”

Confessional #25794487

“I never signed up to be mother, teacher and tech guru. We are only on day 3 of distance learning, but the highs, lows and intensity of getting everyone online on zoom is making me doubt my sanity.”

Basically, we are not okay. But at least we’re not alone.

The post From The Confessional: Parents Think Zoom School Is A Total Nightmare appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: Lots Of Moms Are Having Affairs Right Now

A LOT of moms are taking to the Confessional to share all the steamy details of their affairs

A global pandemic isn’t exactly the right time for an affair, necessarily, (though one could certainly argue if there is ever actually a “good” time for an affair), but that’s not stopping many, many moms from dishing the tea on their affair partners in our Confessional.

Whether it’s feelings of spousal neglect, or it’s an act of revenge, or just out of pure boredom…these moms are committing adultery and have a lot of complicated feelings about it.

Confessional #25794915

“I had an affair because it felt wonderful to be desired by someone again. I’d prefer to be desired by SO, but that wasn’t happening, and hadn’t happened for a very long time.”

Confessional #25793482

“DAMN lucky that my affair was never discovered, I know this. But it’s still Messy, 2 broken hearts bc it’s too dangerous for us to be together, some days it’s hard for me to even leave my bed. How do I move forward? How can I have a life when I love him?”

Confessional #25793196

“I have been having an online affair. Last night we saw each other. It was the most incredible night of my adult life. I dont even feel guilty.”

Whether it’s a pandemic-influenced choice or not, many people are having an affairs and keeping it strictly online.

Confessional #25793196

“I have been having an online affair. Last night we saw each other. It was the most incredible night of my adult life. I dont even feel guilty.”

Confessional #25775506

“The boredom of being home all the time has led me to rekindle an online affair. I thought that this quarantine would bring me closer with my spouse, but they are just using work-at-home as an excuse to always be in work mode. The affair is just easier.”

Confessional #24319701

“I broke off my online affair and I am sad but mainly feel relieved and lighter. The small thrill wasn't worth the immense risk”

Many women say having an online affair makes them feel less guilty, but it’s harder to brush off the feelings of how “real” it can get whether you’ve met your affair partner in real life or not.

According to the American Psychological Association, many studies suggest that even when there is no in-person contact, online affairs can be just as devastating as the real-world variety, triggering feelings of insecurity, anger and jealousy.

Confessional #10571411

“What I do at work: text with my online affair, nap in my (private) office, watch Netflix, drink in secret, scroll through SM... What I don’t do at work: actual work”

Confessional #3135617

“I'm having an online affair. I think I'm in love with him. But I won't leave my husband because of our kids. I feel like a failure, this wasn't supposed to happen.”

Confessional #1747648

“I'm having an online affair and it's dramatically improving my married sex life.”

Statistics on online affairs aren’t easy to come by, given their secretive nature in general. But a 2008 Australian study found that of 183 adults who were currently or recently in a relationship, more than 10 percent had formed intimate online relationships, 8 percent had experienced cybersex and 6 percent had met their affair partners in person.

More than half of the respondents believed an online relationship constituted unfaithfulness, with the numbers climbing to 71 percent for cybersex and 82 percent for in-person meetings.

Confessional #1714244

“I had an amazing online affair for 2 yrs before I found out I was being catfished. The guy turned out to be a girl. I was shocked and hurt but forgave quickly. It was hotter than ever. Friends with benefits”

Confessional #1708988

“DH hasn't touched me in months, so I'm having an online affair. I'm sad and depressed that things have come to this.”

Many of these affair confessionals surrounded women who felt emotionally and sexually neglected by their current spouses and partners.

Confessional #25790429

“A hot security guard and I send dirty pictures and videos to each other, which will soon spark into an affair. My husband and I no longer have a marriage, but not because of this”

Confessional #25788659

“I enjoyed my affair, the hottest sex I’ve ever had, I miss him like crazy. It was me who ended it. This is hell but it could’ve been a much worse end had we been discovered. AP is very upset, rightfully so, but I hope he knows how much I’m hurting too”

Confessional #1635843

“I've had an online affair with someone I don't know for 2 years. When we both decided to stop talking I actually cried because I've had better conversations with a stranger than my own husband. I'm lonely again...”

If you’ve got something to get off your chest, head on over to the Confessional and spill the tea.

The post From The Confessional: Lots Of Moms Are Having Affairs Right Now appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: My Sex Dreams Are Wild AF

These unconscious fantasies are doing the MOST, y’all

There are so many reasons we love sleep. One of them is because we are, of course, parents and cannot ever seem to get enough of it. Other reasons include the major escape from reality we get within our unconscious minds — when we’re not all succumbing to 2020’s anxiety-filled nightmares, some of us are having some majorly interesting fantasies.

Welcome to the wild and wonderful world of sex dreams. May the Jason Momoas be ever in your favor.

Confessional #25795615

“I dream about Jason Momoa a LOT. Not even sex dreams - he's usually just hugging me, flirting with me, sometimes he picks me up and carries me around. I wish my husband acted like dream Jason Momoa.”

Confessional #25785662

“Had a sex dream about Dr. Nassif from the show Botched. wtf is wrong with me”

Confessional #25778155

“I had a graphic sex dream about Chris Cuomo. I think....I’ve been watching too much news.”

Celebrity sex dreams are the best, aren’t they? Except when they’re…the worst. Some of them will have you questioning your entire existence and psychological makeup. (These dreams should be entered as Exhibit A in the “I Need To Get Out More” mom defense.)

Confessional #25772741

“Had sex dreams about Dracula from that cheesy Netflix series and Baelish from GOT both in one night and it was incredibly hot. I'm going to hell.”

Confessional #25770709

“Apparently I want to have sex with John Mulaney according to my insane sex dream I had about him last night. I woke up b.c I had such a strong O.”

Confessional #25747892

“I had a steamy sex dream about the guys from The Wiggles. Tell me I'm not the only one!”

And then there’s the sex dreams we have about people we know in real life, and that can make things…weird. Just super uncomfortable, skin-crawly weird.

Confessional #25760608

“I had an intense sex dream about a coworker and now I can't look at him. I don't even find him attractive at all. I'm just horny. Long distance relationships suck.”

Confessional #25457777

“I had a sex dream starring one of the managers at work. The downfall, he’s married and now when I see him I think about how hot that dream was.”

Confessional #24199316

“My ex from 20 years ago moved to my very small town and I'm his 8 yr old kid's teacher. I've had sex dreams about him - that's all we did really and he's still hot. I love my DH, but the path not taken is in my face every day. His kid tells me a lot.”

And sometimes, our subconscious is trying to tell us (not so subtly) that we’re dissatisfied with our own lives — especially our sex lives — and we need to tap into our desires ASAP.

Confessional #23695593

“Haven't had any interest in sex for awhile. Attributed it to stress, being tired, depressed, hormones. etc. Had 2 very vivid, hot sex dreams last night, one with a man & another with a woman. Turns out I still do crave sex, just not with DH.”

Confessional #22532820

“H and I have had a rough patch. Randomly had an explicit sex dream about a neighbor. He's a devout Christian and I'm Athiest. I feel embarrassed but curious when I see him now. Wtf?”

Confessional #22496384

“I hate when I have sex dreams about my H; it gives me false hope and makes me feel weird the whole next day. Sexless marriage here, folks.”

Confessional #21233321

“I’m insecure about my body after kids but my husband wants me more then ever I just found out last night he still has sex dreams about ME not younger prettier, thinner women ME! Talk about guilt for all those Hugh jackman dreams....”

Honestly who among us has not harbored some sort of illicit fantasy about Hugh Jackman? He’s Wolverine and he can sing and dance for God’s sake!

The actual purpose of dreams, according to various psychological theories, is to allow the “disguised fulfillment of a repressed wish, often sexual in nature, which must not be gratified directly.” Freudian dream analyses might not always be accurate (subjectively speaking), but they are interesting enough to give some deep thought to.

Confessional #19410054

“I'm so unhappy and dissatiafied in my marriage that I keep having dreams about other men, just random dudes from high school sometimes. Not even sex dreams, just "happy relationship" dreams.”

Confessional #15812936

“I keep having these really hot sex dreams about my BIL (H's brother). Now I can't stop wondering what he's like in bed. The problem is I'm good friends with his wife and now I can barely look her in the eye. I hope the dreams never stop.”

Confessional #19654280

“My tattoo artist is so damn sexy, but married with a kid. I would never pursue it, but I keep having sex dreams about him. He said something suggestive at our last session and now I can't stop thinking about it. Married mom of 3 here.”

Confessional #10603981

“Had a really hot sex dream with Pink in it last night. Maybe it means I find her attractive. Maybe it just means I think she’s fucking awesome (which I do). Either way certain it means I’m not 100% straight. More like a 2 on the Kinsey scale.”

And yes, Pink can absolutely get it in the same way Hugh Jackman can. Our brains are truly something, are they not?

The post From The Confessional: My Sex Dreams Are Wild AF appeared first on Scary Mommy.

From The Confessional: I Need Some Alone Time Or I’ll F*cking Scream

Raise your hand (and a glass) if you can relate to each and every one of these “alone time NOW” confessions

We’re about to enter the seventh month of the pandemic. Many of us are working from home, homeschooling our children, and staying quarantined as much as realistically possible. We’re with our family 24-effing-7, and we’ve had it. HAD. IT. Which is why these confessions are the perfectly imperfect validation we all need right now.

If you’re yearning for the alone time you cannot seem to make time for, or yearning for more than what you’re currently able to get — you’re not alone. We’re all in this support group together, and we meet at the Zoom bar.

Confessional #25794775

“I desperately need some alone time before I lose it, but going out during this pandemic fills me with anxiety, but if I don't get some time to myself soon I'm going to fucking kill someone, but going out freaks me out... fucked if I do- fucked if I don't.”

Confessional #25792990

“I am tired to my very soul. My family seems to think my alone time is time for us to talk. Or rifle my closet. Or sleep next to me. Or be in my headspace.”

Confessional #25791773

“Everybody got a benadryl before bed tonight...mommy needs some alone time!”

There is no peeing alone. No cooking alone. No eating snacks alone. No watching TV alone (at least not until everyone is asleep, and LOL when does that even happen). Some parents are lucky if they can even shower alone right now. WE ARE NOT OKAY!

Confessional #25789567

“If I don't get some alone time soon, I'm going to have a fucking breakdown and leave my family. Maybe just for a few days, but I have got to get out of here.”

Confessional #25788292

“I miss alone time. Even just alone time from DH would be nice. The kids ask me for stuff all day but will sit by themselves to play or watch a movie sometimes. DH bugs hourly. Never for anything important often feeling me up. I hate it stop touching me.”

Stop asking us for things. All the things. Where things are, what to do, where to go, how to feel, where the hidden Dove chocolates are — all of it, damn it. LEAVE US ALONE.

Confessional #25786251

“I'd rather stay up half the night and be exhausted the next day just so I can have some alone time. Seriously, I cannot spend every waking moment with my kids.”

Confessional #25785271

“I’m a stay-home mom and was finally enjoying time alone while everyone was at work and and school...then pandemic...and everyone has been home since March and I’m sick and tired of it! I want my alone time back!”

Confessional #25779553

“DH is back in the office for a few hours today. The house is all mine again for a while, and I LOVE it! I can just be me. I don't want him to get COVID, but I love my peace and alone time.”

“I don’t want him to get COVID, but” is honestly what it’s come down to at this point. Wives are basically doing everything short of wearing a giant sandwich board that says “Leave Me The F Alone” and ringing a bell throughout the house, waiting for their significantly others to get a damn clue.

Confessional #25794517

“Me for the 10th time today, 273rd time this week, and 102948462nd time since quarantine started: “Kids, I’m sorry mommy lost her shit. Now can you please leave me alone for more than 2 fucking seconds at a time so I don’t lose it again?””

Confessional #25793825

“I want everyone to leave me alone. For like a fucking month”

Confessional #25791408

“Sick to death of living with my husband and kids. They are terrible roommates, selfish, they mess up everything literally and figuratively, and they deprive me of sleep and peace. I want to just leave and get my own place. So sick of this. Leave me alone!”

If there’s one thing that some of us know for sure, it’s that even after the pandemic ends (you know, in a bazillion years)…yeah, we still want to be left alone. Maybe our spouses and tiny roomates are driving us up the wall, but uh, yeah, other people have really been good at proving why boundaries exist.

Confessional #25784771

“I am struggling with everyone wanting to “catch up” now that lockdown is easing. Please go away and leave me alone.”

Though if all else fails, just pretend to be asleep. Sometimes it’s the only trick in the hat.

Confessional #25778810

“7:30pm - Just pretended to be asleep when my kid came to talk to me. You've been impossible today, please leave me alone.”

The post From The Confessional: I Need Some Alone Time Or I’ll F*cking Scream appeared first on Scary Mommy.