To The Mothers Who Raised Us Who Defy All Greeting Card Logic

As modern mothers, I think we’re too hard on ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t raised by the Best Mother in the World. In fact, I was raised by the Okayest Mother on the Planet who straight up did not give AF. The kind of mother who defies all greeting card logic.

Last Christmas, my mother turned to my sister and me, and said, “I raised two strong, independent women, and I don’t know how that happened because it wasn’t my intention.”

We know, Mom, oh how we know.

But this does not mean my mother doesn’t expect a rolled-out red carpet on Mother’s Day despite her general status as a boiling hot mess. Oh no, she does. And because of my mother, I think it’s worth it to look back on all the okayest mothers who raised us and feel better about our choices. God knows we need the self-esteem boost.

You don’t chain-smoke.

When was the last time you looked around your house and thought I’ve really nailed the dive bar vibe with all this smoking. Never? Well, good for you because it means you probably don’t chain-smoke in front of your kids, in your house, or generally smoke at all. All that sugar your kids eat? Doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?

You only use kitchen utensils for their intended purpose.

The “Wooden Spoon” was seriously the fifth member of our family. Sure, I was clever and would pre-emptively hide it, but I can almost guarantee your children do not know the pleasure of the dual purpose of kitchen utensils. When I say, “wooden spoon,” my daughter thinks chocolate chip cookies, not duck and cover.

You actually use car seats.

Freshly divorced, my mother took me on a vacation to the Jersey shore with her new boyfriend who drove a two-seat Datsun. Funny thing about Datsuns, the engine is in the back, under the hatchback — which is exactly the place my mother stuck me for safe keeping on the two-hour drive back home when I was 10. So those front-facing weight guidelines about car seats until our kids are teens? We welcome them.

You’re more Whole Foods than Hamburger Helper.

When I was 9, my mother put me on a SlimFast diet. The problem wasn’t my girth, it was that I was short. Still am. Regardless, my mother feared a lifetime of bullying over my chub and created a new meal plan consisting of unpronounceable chemicals masquerading as chocolate milk. And we’re sweating breast or formula?

You can’t imagine peacing out on your kids.

I barely got the words, “I’m pregnant” out before my mother hightailed it out of Pennsylvania to New Jersey. Nothing says, “I’m here for you” like fleeing the scene. She swears it was bad timing. I’ve let it go. Attachment parents our okayest mothers are not.

You have a squad or at the very least a therapist for moments like these.

There was a time in my life as a young mother when I was so deeply depressed that my mother was concerned about my well-being. You know, just enough to drive two hours and hand me a bottle of her own antidepressants, and then leave. Hug your kids a little tighter, right now.

That time I called my mother “The Okayest Mom on the Planet” and all she saw was glory.

Otherwise I’d be in some deep shit.

We can either look at the choices we make as mistakes or as the best decision with the information we have at the time. My mother tried, and she did it with flair — there isn’t a door she hasn’t walked through without blowing it off first. Without her, my life would be a straight-to-DVD flick for you to bypass during a Netflix scroll-a-thon.

There isn’t a story my mother doesn’t make better, a bad decision she hasn’t made worse, or a mother with the best of intentions who fucked it all up along the way. I stand in the shadow of an original, just taking notes.

May all of us strive not for the Best Mom award, but the okayest-seeking glory.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. Your card is in the mail.

The Sexist Trend To Demonize Mother’s Day Is Complete BS

Every year at this time, blog posts and news reports appear begging mothers to consider all the people for whom Mother’s Day might not be a pleasant holiday. The growing trend is to request that mothers yield the day to those who have experienced loss.

I have been a motherless child. I spent over two decades estranged from my mother who passed away just a few years after we reunited. I have also been a childless woman, desperate to enter motherhood. I spent years struggling with infertility and awaiting adoption. I understand how painful it can be around Mother’s Day to have images that evoke personal loss punctuate one’s time and space.

At the same time, I can’t ignore the troubling suspicion I have that many of the criticisms and calls for consideration that typically crop up around Mother’s Day might just be thinly veiled manifestations of sexism.

Consider the following:

1. Mothers in the U.S. are a marginalized population.

It might not seem this way to people without children, who are tired of our double-strollers crowding sidewalks and our whining children disturbing their nights out (or to at least one woman who thinks that maternity leave should be available to women without children). However, U.S. mothers are regularly mommy-tracked in our careers.

Unlike much of the world’s mothers and despite many of us requiring, at minimum, physical recovery time, we are not guaranteed pay for maternity leave. Childcare is often prohibitively expensive for U.S. families, typically leading to one parent staying home. Since, on average, women are paid less than our male counterparts for the same jobs, it usually falls on women to sacrifice our careers if necessary to care for our children.

2. Father’s Day, the male equivalent to Mother’s Day, does not receive the same level of scrutiny and criticism.

My Facebook feed isn’t filled each Father’s Day with calls to be more considerate of fatherless children and men who struggle with child loss. Father’s Day even holds the distinction of having been created largely so that fathers would feel included in celebrations of parenthood.

3. A day meant to celebrate women is the one secular holiday that Americans seem to want to micromanage.

There are various annual secular holidays besides Father’s Day that celebrate a particular faction of people to the exclusion of others without the scrutiny held over Mother’s Day. When Veterans Day rolls around, those of us who are neither veterans nor closely connected with veterans step aside to allow the beneficiaries of the day to hold their spotlight. We even line up to participate in parades where we cheer on people we might not even know.

Likewise, Valentine’s Day is typically considered for lovers, the crux of Halloween for children. Though we should never force pointed holidays onto those who don’t celebrate them, we can and do allow specific groups of people their special days.

4. The U.S. calendar is filled with non-holiday events and experiences that provide opportunities for some to the exclusion of others.

As long as exclusivity is not borne out of bigotry, hatred, or support for inequality, this can be okay, even necessary. Non-runners, including those of us unable to run due to disabilities, typically do not begrudge runners their races, even though they close our roads and clog our neighborhood coffee shops several times a year. Adults don’t ask children to enjoy their school breaks less because we don’t receive the same amount of time off. We don’t request that college students avoid expressing their pride on social media about scholarships or other accolades they receive as academics, even though non-students don’t receive scholarships for general living. Everybody can’t be a part of everything, nor should we expect total inclusion.

5. More than any other group of people, it seems, mothers are constantly told how we are supposed to carry out our roles.

We are given conflicting advice, backed by convincing, but also conflicting, science regularly. We are pandered to by corporations that want our money, criticized and prosecuted by legislators who want to control us, simultaneously demonized and deified by the media. Now we are being told to be careful about how we celebrate Mother’s Day because people who are not mothers, or who don’t have healthy relationships with their mothers or motherhood, might feel excluded. To be tossed into yet one more battle that divides and belittles us, a battle that few else are asked to enter with regards to secular holidays, feels like another way to control women in general, mothers specifically.

Mother’s Day holds its roots in feminism. Early incarnations included ancient Greco-Roman celebrations of the mother goddesses and a day for mothers of opposing sides during the Civil War to reconcile. The more formal holiday grew out of feminist calls to action, the most renowned being Julia Ward Howe’s late 19th century request for mothers to unite for world peace.

Within a contemporary feminist context, Mother’s Day affords us one day a year when we can hope for a neutral zone, when mothers can support and celebrate one another, despite our culture’s insistence upon marginalizing and dividing us. It also offers families who choose to celebrate the day together a formal pause in family chaos to reflect upon mother-child relationships.

The concept of motherhood can be an emotionally loaded challenge for many people. I understand and have been there. I also believe that we can honor the losses surrounding mothers and motherhood within our culture while also creating space on Mother’s Day for mothers and families of every incarnation to choose to celebrate motherhood as desired — without fear of repercussion, guilt, and division.

Book Recommendations: 12 Favorite Children’s Books for Mothers

Moms are all kinds of awesome and so is our list of favorite children’s books for mothers. New moms, veteran moms and even grandmas will relate to these beautiful children’s books all about motherhood. Read these books with your children for mommy bonding time or pick your favorite as a gift.  Motherhood is amazing, and wonderful. It’s also hard and frustrating but rewarding. When you find that story that just gets all your mom feelings, it’s a keeper. Whatever your stage in motherhood, there will be a book that you can relate to on our list of favorite children’s books for mothers.

Children's Books For Mothers

Duck by Randy Cecil

You’re reading a bed time story to your little one (or ones) and bam! you feel all the feels. Oh man, this book got me good. If you’re a mother and you have had to let your child do some growing up (and in the process let them go their own way), you’ll understand why this is such a sweet tale.

Mom's Favorite Children's Books


I love My Mama by Peter Kavanagh

This is a great book for little ones. The cute rhymes follow adorable mother/child elephants as they play all day.

Children's Books That Moms LOVE

I Love You the Purplest by Barbara M. Joosse

If you have more than one child, you may have been asked who is your favorite? Using some mom wisdom, this book answers her boys question with ease. It’s a great way to remember that each child is unique and special in a mom’s eyes.

Children's Books For Mothers! (Our Favorites!)

Meet Me at the Moon by Gianna Marino

If you are a mom who ever has to leave your child, you know it’s not always easy whether it’s for the workday, the weekend or longer. This is a great book to share with your child to remind them that distance never matters and love will always bring you back together.

Dinosaur vs. Mommy by Bob Shea

Oh man, this hits the nail on the head when you have a busy little one. My kids thought this one was hilarious and now drop a “roar” when they beat me at life.

Mom’s the Word by Timothy Knapman

What makes everything so amazing? Moms. And this book proves it.

I Love You, Stinky Face by Lisa McCourt

A mother’s love is not conditional. No matter what, mom will still love you. Plus some.

Children's book recommendations that will make moms heart smile!

Our Love Grows by Anna Pignataro

Our Love Grows is a sweet book for mothers as they watch their little ones grow into not so little ones.

Our Best Book Recommendations For Moms

Silly Wonderful You by Sherri Duskey Rinker

Mothers don’t always feel

Children's Books made for MOMS!

Someday by Alison McGhee

Alsion McGhee has written the most tender children’s book for mothers. Life has ups and downs but mothers are a constant through it all.

Perfect gift ideas for Mother's Day!

The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown

It’s the classic. This is a must-have in every child’s library.  And after all these years, it is the perfect way to describe how a mother will do anything for her child.

The best children's books for mothers!

Together by Emma Dodd

I have this thing for sea otters. The fact that when they sleep, they hold hands so they don’t drift apart is probably my favorite thing. Together is such a sweet story of a mama and her child.

Our very favorite children's books for mothers!


12 Favorite Children's Books For Mothers

Need more book recommendations?

Best Wordless Pictures Books

Our 10 Favorite Parenting Books

Save Your Money: This Is What Moms Really Want For Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day, a day so many women — especially new moms — look forward to. And also the day so many men fear.

What could a dad possibly give to a woman that eloquently sums up her pivotal role in the circle of life? How can he pick a gift that would measure up to the act of creating human life, incubating it, then birthing a watermelon-sized being? To say nothing of the actual act of raising said human with nothing but grace and rainbows every day (okay, not every day). It’s a daunting task.

So, bless his heart, new dad usually goes with the typical Mother’s Day standbys you see in commercials every year where the actress portraying the mom seems so damn happy to be receiving those flowers/candy/stuffed animal/heart pendant/coffee mug, etc.

Or maybe dad thinks that getting the kids involved is a superb way to show just how much mom means to the family. Breakfast in bed is cute, right? NoPlease, dear god, no.

All this means is mom wakes to the smell of burnt toast and kids crying over who is placing the blueberries in the pancakes. Then mom has to pretend to still be asleep so the kids get the joy of waking her up to serve her breakfast on her special day.

Inevitably, syrup gets spilled on the comforter, which means a load of laundry for mom. After not losing her shit over the syrup spill (See? Grace!) mom goes to the kitchen to find what could only be described as a post-tornadic scene. Every pan used, eggs dripping from counters, cabinets covered in flour.

So to sum up the breakfast-in-bed experience: Mom wakes up early to eat burnt toast, is sticky from spilled syrup, is now on laundry duty, and has a kitchen to clean up. Thanks, but no thanks.

Here’s another common Mother’s Day trap: brunch. It sounds like a picture-perfect way to celebrate the holiday. Get the kids dressed up, head out to mom’s favorite restaurant, enjoy a nice leisurely meal, snap a few family pics to remember the occasion. Sounds amazing.

In reality, brunch is more like a three-hour fight. Fighting with the kids to get dressed in nice clothes. Fighting the crowd at the restaurant because everyone had the same great idea as you. Fighting the urge to just bail after one of your kids has a meltdown before drinks are even ordered. And, finally, fighting to get a decent picture of the whole family that captures a completely different memory of what actually happened that day.

But fear not, dad. For I am here to let you in on a dirty little secret that most moms won’t admit. You want to know why? Because what we really want for Mother’s Day is this:

We don’t want to mom on Mother’s Day.

Yup, that’s right. We love our kids. We love our partners. But dammit, we are all in 364 days of the year, so for one day, we want to be out.

You know what we do want? Sleep. So much sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. And a nap. Maybe two naps. And no cooking. No dishes. No laundry. No breaking up fights. No refilling milk cups. No changing diapers. No getting up with the kids in the middle of the night. We are out.

And by out, I mean we are out to our favorite shop. Or nail salon. Or bar. Or curled up alone with a good book. Or all of those things. Because we don’t remember the last time we had an adult conversation that wasn’t interrupted with “Mom!” We still have paint on our toes from that pedicure we got at the end of last summer. And we want to roam the aisles of Target without an exit strategy in mind.

To end the day, we want to come back home just in time to give our kids a sweet kiss goodnight, narrowly and perfectly missing the bedtime chaos.

And if you think this is a single opinion held only by me, you would be wrong. I asked 80 moms of young kids what they really wanted for Mother’s Day. The overwhelming winner was sleep. Up second was pampering. And coming in third was a nice dinner out with the hubby.

So to all the new dads out there sweating what to get your queen, here’s a hint: Skip the flowers. What moms want is the anti-Mother’s Day. Whatever your gut instincts are telling you, ignore them. And come through for us with the sweet oasis of a quiet bedroom, an uninterrupted shower, a nice dinner out. An actual day for mom.

Because having to tap into our reserves of grace and rainbows every day is exhausting. We need this.

If Mom Gets a Nap for Mother’s Day I’m Going to SCREAM

*climbs onto soapbox”

I’ve noticed something over the last few years. Every Mother’s Day I see moms posting messages on Facebook or Instagram sharing messages of gratitude and heartfelt appreciation for the fact that they….

Wait for it…

Got to take a nap.

A nap.

Now, let me back up and tell you that each Mother’s Day since my children were born, I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the fact that I get to parent two wonderful kiddos. Before I became a mother, I enjoyed the opportunity to high-five my own mom for being literally the most amazing person that I know. (Sorry. I got the best one.)

Let me also clarify that I’m not looking for a substantial cash investment. I’ll take a handprint on a piece of paper or a pasta necklace any day. Or a big dog pile of hugs and a chorus of “Mother’s Day!”

But DO NOT gift me a nap.


Sleep in a necessity like food. Let’s not consider it a luxury or a treat. Let’s commit to taking care of ourselves and our sleep ON THE DAILY. Not just Mother’s Day. 

You aren’t doing anyone any good running around ragged and sleep deprived. So do me a favor and don’t sit around dreaming of your annual Mother’s Day nap. GET SOME REST. Here’s why:

Sleep plays a critical role in your physical, mental, and emotional health.


“If you don’t get it, your body operates under stress.  Sleep deprivation has been linked to increases in depression, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, as well as memory and cognitive problems.” (Via Psychology Today

Um. I’m no doctor, but even I can grasp that correlation. 


If ever there was a thing that literally ANY parent could use, it sure as hell is “improved frustration tolerance”


Oh and if that wasn’t enough, it turns out that we reach for less healthy food when we are sleep deprived. 

“The research showed that when the subjects were bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived, they strongly preferred the food choices that were highest in calories, like desserts, chocolate and potato chips.” (Via The New York Times)

I don’t need a study to tell me that. I could set my watch to my 3 PM potato chip craving.


The irony here is that ANY parent will tell you that sleep is important. What’s the question we all ask first-time parents?

“Is the baby sleeping through the night yet?”

Because we remember those foggy days in newborn land when we wondered how on earth we were going to make it through a day on such little sleep.

So when I hear people say “I got to take a nap!” what I hear is something along the lines of “I was permitted to eat!”

Setting the bar a bit low, aren’t we?

Because the barrier to that afternoon nap? It’s you.

You are entitled to take care of your needs.

Let me say it again:


The people in your life that love you? They want you to be happy and healthy. They want the best version of you. They would probably leap at the chance to give you what you most desire. And if taking a nap has become an annual luxury then you’re doing it wrong.

As mothers we need to do a better job of raising our hand and asking for the help we need. We need to be thoughtful and honest about what makes us tick, and be willing to prioritize that for ourselves.

I would wager that most moms have heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

That’s a completely true statement. You can’t.

So let’s agree that we’re going to do a better job of asking for what we need to feel rested and restored—WEEKLY NOT ANNUALLY.

*climbs off soapbox”



A Message For My Friends Who Still Have Their Mothers

Dear friends who still have their mothers,

It came like a thief — 10 months almost exactly from the day she was diagnosed until the day she left us. Cancer has a way of doing that, robbing its victims and their families of health and freedom. One day we’re doing life together, making plans for the future, and the next we’re fighting this battle and eventually saying goodbye.

I never imagined I’d lose my mom this way or so soon. I couldn’t have planned or prepared for it. Her fate swooped in like a thief and took her away before I ever had the chance to fully realize what was happening.

And because of my faith, I stand with peace and continue to hope, but still…

This Mother’s Day, I am — for the first time — a mom without a mother. I will receive cards and gifts and lots of love, but I cannot give them. I cannot express my gratitude, despite her imperfections, with lavish love. I cannot thank her for all she taught me about being a mom, both good and bad. I cannot share how much she’s impacted my life, as a mom and a wife and a woman.

So dear friends who still have their mothers,

Whether you walk extremely close or there’s a valley of difference between you, reach out to your mother this week.

Whether you see eye to eye or you can’t agree on much of anything, look your mother in the eyes if you can and tell her how special she is.

Whether she’s loved you well or lacked in affection, tell her how much you appreciate her and linger in love through words or embrace.

Whether she’s been your role model or she’s shown you what not to do, tell her how much you’ve learned from her.

Whether she’s been a near perfect mother or a much less than perfect one, she’s still here and that fact alone leaves so much potential for you both.

Call her, embrace her, surround her with your love whether it comes easy or along with tons of baggage.

Reach out for reconciliation if you are estranged.

Reach out in compromise if you are indifferent.

Reach out with time and attention if you are busy.

Reach out with affection if you are reserved.

Reach out with generous love even if you already do it regularly.

This time last year, I never dreamed I’d spend Mother’s Day without my mom. Please, don’t let another day slip by without connecting with yours.

Happy Mother’s Day, friends. May you find grace to give and receive so much love.

Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

Popular Mother's Day Gift Ideas! Great presents for any woman anytime!

Mother’s Day is around the corner and I know you will be celebrating the moms in your life with some sweet gifts.

I will sure miss my mom this Mother’s Day. I wrote this gift idea post before she passed away with her tastes in mind. My mom always liked practical, simple gifts. She enjoyed gardening and had a love of cats. That must be where I got my crazy cat lady personality from!

If you like my Facebook page, you have probably seen a few of these gift ideas. They are some of the most popular items among the women who follow me on Facebook. Some items have been shared over there a ton, so I wanted to makes sure you saw them here when shopping for gifts.

Also, it’s Mother’s Day, so don’t forget to take some time out for you! If you’re a busy mom, this might be your only chance to get your nails done or time to finish that book you’ve been reading.

Enjoy these Mother’s Day Gift Ideas. I hope you find some fun things for the women in your life… or for yourself!!!

Handwritten Signature Bracelet - Great gift idea!

I absolutely LOVE this –> handwritten signature bracelet.


Signature necklace! This is such adorable gift idea with kids handwriting!

What about a signature necklace? This is such adorable gift idea with kids handwriting!


Mother's Day Keepsake Gift Idea. Tips for how to make a beautiful video with photos and video. It's simple and easy with Animoto. ~

personalized video is a great last-minute keepsake gift idea for mom! Takes only a few minutes to make.


Here is a Funny Wine Glass that I would love!

Here is a Funny Wine Glass that I would love!


Make a Custom Necklace from your child’s art. Cute gift idea!

Make a Custom Necklace from your child’s art.

I want this Air Fryer! Make fast and easy crispy food without all of the fat and only a tiny bit of oil.

Moms who love to cook would enjoy an Air Fryer! Make fast and easy crispy food without all of the fat and only a tiny bit of oil.


Wouldn't you love this nail polish holder with some new nail polish? I would!

Wouldn’t you love this nail polish holder with some new nail polish? I would!


Cat coloring book for adults

For the Cat Lady! Love this –> Cat Coloring Book!
What cat lover wouldn't want a cat rolling pin? Cat cookies all day!!

What cat lover wouldn’t want a cat rolling pin? Cat cookies all day!!

These Blue Mason Jar Measuring Cups always make a cute gift!

These Mason Jar Measuring Cups always make a cute gift!


grandma towel

This is true right? Get a Cute kitchen tea towel for Grandma!


Cute Hedgehog Dryer Balls! Makes laundry fun and clothes softer.

Cute Hedgehog Dryer Balls! Makes laundry fun and clothes softer.


Glowing flower pots that change colors are perfect for the gardening mom!

Glowing flower pots that change colors are perfect for the gardening mom!

A Beautiful Bird House is another great gift idea for the garden lover.

A Beautiful Bird House is another great gift idea for the garden lover.


No time to order gifts? Printable Mother's Day Cards make great last-minute gift ideas!

No time to order gifts? Printable Mother’s Day Cards make great last-minute gift ideas!


Happy Mother’s Day!

The post Mother’s Day Gift Ideas appeared first on Living Locurto.

Mother’s Day Keepsake Gift with Animoto Video

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Mother's Day Keepsake Gift Idea. Tips for how to make a beautiful video with photos and video. It's simple and easy with Animoto. ~

Making an Animoto video for mom is the perfect Mother’s Day Keepsake Gift!

I’m getting a head start celebrating Mother’s Day this year, not because I want to, but because I have to. I’m very sad to say that I’m running out of time with my mom. If you subscribe to my emails, you might have noticed that I haven’t been posting regularly here at Living Locurto, and the reason why is that my mother is loosing her fight with cancer. I’ve been spending the past few months away from my family and studio to help take care of her along with the hospice nurses. Let’s just say it’s been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. The best thing I can think of to cope during sad times, is to remember the good times. So when Animoto reached out to me, I knew making a special Mother’s Day Keepsake Gift for mom with some of her favorite photos of my kids would bring much needed joy!

No matter what you are going through, happy or sad times, photos and videos bring such joy and emotion to any occasion. What better gift can you give? I can’t think of anything better than the gift of good memories!!! So we are celebrating Mother’s Day early with a special Animoto video that I’m happy to share with you today!

Since I’ve been caring for my mom, I literally have no extra time to do much of anything. Luckily Animoto is fast and super simple to create a beautiful video! I was able to connect to Facebook and easily add photos, in addition to uploading photos from my computer. I love how you can mix video with photos. After uploading the photos and videos you want to share, just choose from one of the wonderful templates and Animoto does the rest!

I love how nice our Mother’s Day video turned out! I’m happy that the last time my kids came to visit, I asked them to say a few words to the camera. It’s bitter sweet to watch, since I know they don’t have much more time left with Grandma. I’m so happy to be able to create something so special through Animoto! I know mom will enjoy watching this over and over.  Click the play button below to watch how it turned out… (if you are reading from email and can’t see this, click here for the video.)

Well, we all cried after watching this. It was very touching and my mom loved it:-)

I highly encourage you to gather up your mom, grandma or friend’s favorite photos for a sweet Mother’s Day Keepsake Video. Animoto was kind enough to share a discount code with you too!

–> Click here to get started. Use the code lovemom20 to get 20 % OFF!

Take 20% OFF Animoto for a keepsake video.

Here are some tips for making a great Keepsake Video:


The post Mother’s Day Keepsake Gift with Animoto Video appeared first on Living Locurto.

30 Things (Almost) Every Mother Wants For Mother’s Day


I don’t ask for much, even on Mother’s Day. I’ll be perfectly happy with my little minions’ sweet kisses and a homemade, illegible card. But a girl can dream, and if I could think of a few things off the top of my head that I’d really want for Mother’s Day – the following would be a start.

1. One of those wine-taps. Seriously. It’s like a beer tap, except wine comes out of it.

2. Five minutes of peace. I’d settle for three-and-a-half.

3. Gwyneth Paltrow to get “I’m better than you” tattooed on her forehead. It’s the obvious next step, no?

4. A case of Magnum caramel center ice cream bars. I’m thinking too small. Make it a delivery truck with freezing capabilities that remains parked in my neighbor’s driveway for easy access.

5. Celebrities to stop talking about why they don’t believe in science, aka vaccines. It would be great if all non-doctors would stop writing books filled with medical advice.

6. Chubby midsections to become in vogue again, á la the 16th century. The goddamn Renaissance Era couldn’t be wrong, could it?

7. A “sarcasm” font. I need this so bad.

8. A “fuck you” font. I write on the Internet for a living,  so I need this even worse.

9. A Facebook filter that blocks everyone selling momtrepreneur crap. Nobody wants your face cream, sex toys or your candles. Well, I already have enough face cream and candles and buying sex toys from friends makes me feel weird.

10. For women to start loving their wrinkles. I have a dream that the masses will suddenly realize facial expressions have a function and bankrupt the cosmetic Botox industry.

11. Heels that don’t make you feel like you’re walking on invisible stilts. Does this happen to everyone, or just me?

12. A freaking “thank you” every now and then. Two words.

13. Fat-burning cake. How does this not exist yet?

14. Childfree parenting-advice-givers to STFU. I want parenting advice from people who’ve never had to constantly care for one of their own about as much as I want sex tips from a virgin.

15. The FDA to legalize sleeping pills for toddlers. This is a no-brainer, right?

16. A robot that gathers all the toys in a toddler’s room at night and hides them. See #15.

17. Paper towel-sized diaper wipes. I clean everything from my baby’s butt to my kitchen counters to my car dashboard with these. They need an extra large variety – bonus if they can make them smell like furniture polish or “new car.”

18. A cartoon whose only function is to teach kids to be silent. Again, how has no one thought of this yet?

19. A maid. My Italian grandmother would roll over in her grave.

20. The invention of a wine/Goldfish cracker weight-loss plan. I could totally stick to this.

21. A Twitter filter that blocks all of those who Tweet about exercise instead of coffee in the morning. Seriously, who are these people?

22. Gisele to gain 75 pounds. She thinks formula feeding should be illegal and can’t possibly understand how a woman could actually gain weight during pregnancy. Enough said.

23. Famous women who are also millionaires to stop talking about how hard it is to be a mom. I know, I know – being a mom is a hard job for everyone. But this is annoying, isn’t it?

24. A foot-rub that lasts more that one-and-a-half minutes. Why even offer?

25. The future publishing of, “My Descent Out Of Hell – Memories From A Tiger Mom Cub” You know it’s coming.

26. A study that proves mothers who moderately drink and constantly swear have the most well adjusted kids in the land. Well, it could be true.

27. Know-it-all parents to stop writing open letters to other parents telling them what a crap job they’re doing. Dear Mom On Her iPhone, Dear Dad Who Raised His Voice In The Store, Dear Mom Who Won’t Swing From The Monkey-Bars… enough is enough.

28. The ability to look good in white jeans. I realize this is not a practical thing to wear with two children under three – but I don’t care.

29. To never see another “what not to say to a pregnant person/new mom/SAHM/working mom” list ever again. You’re suffocating me!

30. For women who have kids in their late thirties to henceforth be referred to as “smart and ready” instead of “advanced maternal-aged.” Who you callin’ old?

Related post: What Moms REALLY Mean When They Say “I Don’t Want Anything for Mother’s Day”

The post 30 Things (Almost) Every Mother Wants For Mother’s Day appeared first on Scary Mommy.

My First Mother’s Day as a Single Mom


Someone asked me the other day what I wanted for Mother’s Day and I laughed. What? Is the formula drinker going to run out and hit up the mall, or make some crafts?  Doubtful. I bought myself a Mother’s Day present a while ago. And, if there were anything in the world that I wanted right now that I don’t already have, it would be one day to sleep in. ‘Til like, noon.

This weekend marks my first Mother’s Day. My first Mother’s Day with an actual baby in my arms. My first Mother’s Day as a single mom.

I’ve gone through four Mother’s Days as an unofficial mom. Three after or during my first failed pregnancies, and then last year, when I knew I was pregnant but no one else did.

But this time, after those four Mother’s Days, I get to be included.

It won’t be a fancy affair; just a BBQ at my mom’s house. I won’t be able to sleep in. Or have a day without doing dishes or laundry. I won’t get flowers or breakfast in bed. I won’t get the day off.

After all, it’s just her and I.

But I get to wake up and pick my baby up out of her crib.

I get to kiss her right where her neck meets her cheeks, which she loves.

I get to cuddle her while she drinks her morning bottle and watches Mickey Mouse.

I get to lay her on the couch, and lean in while she rubs her hands on my face (this is new and it kills me).

I get to pick out her clothes for the day and get her dressed.

I get to pick out bows and shoes for her to wear.

I get to put her in her car seat and take her with me to my mom’s to celebrate my very first official Mother’s Day.

I get to enjoy the compliments all day about how beautiful she is.

I get to make the bouncing laps around my mom’s spare bedroom trying to get her to go down for a nap.

I get to be there when she wakes up 15 minutes later.

I get to receive the smile she will have on her face, so proud of herself for closing her eyes for that long.

I get to lay on the floor with her while she figures out how to roll over.

I get to watch her chew on her teething rings to make her gums feel better.

I get to take her home with me at the end of the day.

I get to try to feed her solid foods, and laugh at the faces she makes.

I get to run her bath and watch her enjoy the warm water while she sucks on the wash cloth.

I get to rub her down with baby lotion.

I get to find her some soft, comfortable pajamas, and snuggle with her on my lap when she has them on.

I get to feed her the night time bottle, while we watch more Mickey Mouse.

I get to bounce her around the living room to try to get her to sleep.

I get to do even more laps when she wakes up after I lay her down.

I get to turn on the baby monitor and listen to her breathing while she sleeps.

I get to wash her bottles and fill them back up so they are ready for the next day.

I get to wash her clothes and make sure they are clean and comfortable for her to wear for the week.

I get to go to bed, knowing that my baby is in the next room sleeping peacefully, and I get to experience all of it again the next day. A day that’s not even Mother’s Day.

I get to do all of that. ME.

This is what I have been waiting for. I feel complete. I feel like I finally found my reason for being here  I am happy, and I am so completely in love that there are days I can’t even handle it.

On Mother’s Day, I will always look back to her birth and remember her first cry.  Touching her face as soon as she was born. Holding her and looking at that sweet, scrunched up face. Watching everyone I love hold her. Having our first moments together alone.  Having our first night together alone.

I am so so so grateful. So blessed. So happy. So complete. So rich. So loved. I mean…how does it ever get any better than this?

Happy Mother’s Day to me!

And Happy Mother’s Day to all of the other moms out there.

The new moms.
The veteran moms.
The pregnant moms.
The adoptive moms.
The moms that experienced loss.
The aunts.
The grandmas.
The sisters.
The nieces.
The cousins.
The guardians.
The godmothers.
The fur moms.

Anyone that experiences that kind of love for someone else…

Happy Mother’s Day.

Related post: How To Survive as a Newly Single Parent

The post My First Mother’s Day as a Single Mom appeared first on Scary Mommy.