Teaching A Kid To Wipe Their Butt Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

From potty training toddlers to independent big kids, we’re always worrying about their hygiene.  But what do you do when your kid won’t wipe their butt? You can wipe their butts for them, but you can’t do it forever and honestly, who wants to wipe someone else’s butt?  It’s time to take a stand and just say no! Subscribe to Scary Mommy on YouTube:  https://bit.ly/3bBD9VI

It doesn’t seem like a big deal. Washing your hands, brushing your teeth and wiping your butt. This is just part of the daily routine but for kids, this task seems nearly impossible. Can we be surprised? My eldest kid still can’t remember where he put his shoes. And he’s 20 years old. Come with us to the Butt Wiping Support Group, where moms like you and me can vent about this phenomenon and figure out a solution to this age old problem. Because who wants a dirty B?

We’ve all looked into our children’s eyes and asked “Did you wipe your B-hole?” Time and again, they’ll stare right back and say yes when we know they didn’t. They’ll lie as if we can’t figure it out. As if we don’t know the telltale signs of skipping a butt wipe. We were kids once too. From the butt scratching to the underpant skidmarks, the clues are abundant. So, what do you do? Trust them? Of course not! 

It’s time to institute Random Butt Checks! That’s right because our kids better have some class and wipe their ass!

 

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Madge The Vag Fact Checks Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Lab

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Netflix show, Goop Lab, has an episode about female pleasure that seemed quite risque. But love her or hate her, was Gwyneth on to something with this episode or was it all just nonsense? In this episode of Madge the Vag, Madge sits down with sex therapist, Dr. Madeleine Castellanos, to find out. Subscribe to Scary Mommy TV

In the Goop Lab episode ‘The Pleasure Is Ours,’ Gwyneth and crew tackle the issue of women’s pleasure. Even today, women are still having trouble achieving climax. Oftentimes it’s because women can have more trouble if they have a lot on their minds. I think we can all agree that every day, we all have a lot on our minds! So, how do we get rid of all the distractions? 

First things first, you have to look at it. That’s right! Look at your vagina. How else are you going to get to know her? Looking at your anatomy can help you understand what gives you pleasure and where. In addition, you can direct a partner more easily. “Take a turn at the vulva, now go two fingers down.” See? So much easier!

That makes sense, but why in the Goop Lab episode, did the women in the video look at each other’s private parts? Has Gwyneth gone too far here? Apparently, not. Looking at other vulvas can help you understand what “normal” looks like. It takes any shame out of the equation. 

Which brings us to climaxing with other women. Now we’ve crossed a line, right? Nope. In the right environment, pleasure with other women can help teach you about your body. In an accepting environment, the pressure and anxiety that many women experience may dissipate and help them learn how to climax. 

Being with a partner can feel like a high pressure environment and it shouldn’t. One of the most important things we can do is communicate with our partners. In the Goop Lab episode, the women massaged each other’s hands and told each other what they liked or didn’t like as a neutral way to practice expressing themselves. 

It looks like Gwyneth was on to something after all. I guess the Goop Lab episode hit all the right spots! So, give yourself a hand, Gwynnie, and maybe massage it while you’re at it. Not too hard!

 

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Amy Schumer’s Pregnancy Doc is Not Glamorous, It’s Amazing

When I gave birth, I barely took a photo of myself because labor was a horror show and I looked like death.  Meanwhile, Amy Schumer, the brave badass that she is, films every minute of her pregnancy, largely spent with her head in the toilet and every other form of barf bag known to man. Her new documentary is not for the queasy (there is a TON of puking) but it’s the wakeup call the world needs that pregnancy is not bliss for every woman. 

In Expecting Amy, recently released by HBO Max, Schumer not only goes on tour pregnant and sick, she sets out to create a televised comedy special.  No biggie, except in her third trimester she is (finally) diagnosed with Hyperemesis-Gravidarum (HG).  If you haven’t heard of HG (aka vomit city), that is part of the problem. Many women haven’t until they are stricken with the condition that causes intense nausea, vomiting and even dehydration. Nope it’s not morning sickness, it’s all the time sickness.  

In addition to 360 views of her bathroom, Amy is not shy about sharing her relationship struggles with her partner Chris, who is mostly the sweetest man on the planet aside from moments when Amy thinks he should react differently.  The documentary follows Chris as he is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and how Amy celebrates this as one of the qualities she loves most about him.

If you can stomach a lot of barfing, a woman on a mission, and the world’s most loyal wingman, you won’t want to miss Expecting Amy.  

You will never find a reason to complain about your aches and pains again after seeing Amy pick herself up off the floor and perform for a packed theater.  The strength of moms never ceases to amaze us. 

 

Thank you, Amy, for the reminder.

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The Best Kids YouTube Channels? We’re Reviewing ‘Unspeakable’

Searching for videos on Youtube for kids? Never fear, we are here with a mom YouTube review of the kids YouTube channels your kids are obsessively watching, so you don’t have to watch it too. You’re welcome. Today’s channel – Unspeakable.

Scary Mommy TV is your official roadmap to determining which YouTube channels are appropriate for your kids by rating cursing, mature messages, product pushing and, of course, how hard it is on parents’ ears.

Nathan Johnson Graham, a 22 year old, is Unspeakable. This YouTube Channel has insane challenges and crazy pranks and should come with a warning that says, “Hey kid! You cannot do any of the shit he does!”

The YouTube channel Unspeakable acts out the dreams of our little ones by filling a living room with packing peanuts, snow and even sand. I don’t want to know who cleans these messes up, but it better not be a mom!

There is no cursing. There is no violence. There is no mature content. It’s safe for the kids – IF they don’t try to copy these crazy stunts.

The sound level was ok for most of it. They yelled, sure, but it was bearable.

Were there lessons learned? No. Were there good messages? No. Were there three silly guys without a care in the world? Hell yes.

Do you want your kid watching other people have fun? Normally, I’d say no. But when a mess is involved, I’d say yes. And apparently, the packing peanuts? Recyclable and biodegradable.

For more, check out our reviews on FGTeeV and Collins Key. Until then, happy watching!

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YouTube For Kids: We Watched FGTeeV and We Have Thoughts

Are your kids watching safe content on YouTube?  Whether it’s FGTeeV, Collins Key or Unspeakable, we are exploring kids YouTube channels and reviewing the ones your kids are obsessively watching so you don’t have to watch it too. You’re welcome. Today we’re reviewing FGTeeV!

Scary Mommy TV is your official roadmap to determining which YouTube channels are appropriate for your kids by rating cursing, mature messages, product pushing and, of course, how hard it is on parents’ ears.  Subscribe to Scary Mommy TV so you don’t miss an episode. 

You’ve heard of FGTeeV. If you haven’t, tell us your secret because I can hear it from a mile away in my house! FGTeeV is the gaming channel of the very famous youtube family, Funnel Vision – there’s funnel dad, funnel mom, Lexie, Mike, Shawn and Chase. Funnel Dad is the star of the show. He scores serious dad points with the kid viewers with his silly humor, gaming and funny rap songs that he writes and performs with the kids. 

Okay, so what what do we think of the FGTeeV YouTube channel. Is there cursing? No. You’re safe there. The worst that comes out of this channel are poop and fart jokes.  Is there mature messaging? Absolutely not. In fact, if anything it’s very immature messaging. Is there product pushing? The family does showcase birthday gifts, family vacays, new video games and lots of candy eating. And now for the noise factor. Get some ear plugs. Funnel Dad is loud and can scream at high pitched levels that will both shock and impress you. The noise level is pretty intense. 

If you thought this review was helpful, subscribe to our channel to get our upcoming reviews on Collins Key, Unspeakable and more YouTube Channels your kids love. Have a channel you want us to review? Let us know by leaving a comment on our youtube video. 

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Irresistible Topher Grace Plays Yay or Nay

If you’ve ever watched TV or gone to a movie, you know how irresistible Topher Grace is. From That ‘70s Show to BlacKkKlansman, he’s been “gracing” our screens for a long time. And now, Topher Grace is back with his new movie, Irresistible, alongside Steve Carell and Rose Byrne. Subscribe to Scary Mommy TV: https://bit.ly/3bBD9VI

Written and directed by Jon Stewart, Irresistible is a comedy about what happens when a small Wisconsin town becomes the main attraction of our modern-day political circus. Back to Wisconsin for Topher (reminder: The ’70s show was set there)! With a star studded cast like this, Irresistible sounds well, irresistible.

Topher Grace, plays the role of Kurt, a political analyst that competes with Natasha Lyonne. Topher recently sat down with us and played one of our favorite Scary Mommy games, Yay or Nay. We talked about political podcasts, Zooming with friends during the quarantine, voting, kids, coffee – yeah, we got deep.

Grace is married to True Detective actress, Ashley Hinshaw since 2016. Together, they have two and a half year old daughter, Mabel Jane Grace. This acting couple have another child on the way. Looks like if anyone gets what Scary Mommy is about, it’s Grace and Hinshaw. Although Topher Grace is a busy dad, we hope to keep seeing on the big screen. Irresistible is in theaters and premiering On Demand today, June 26th. For more details on where and how to watch, visit Watchirresistible.com.

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Quarantine Queens Review The Best Family Movies: BIG (1988) | Scary Mommy

Quarantine may be over for you, but we are still spending more time at home with family and that means movie night. We’re reviewing our favorite 1980s film, BIG. Although nothing beats classic 1980s movies, do they still hold up and is it ok for the kids? In this video, we’re giving you the mom low-down with curse word counts, cigarette smoking appearances, violence, boobies and the sexual innuendos that the 80s loved so much. We’ll include all the time stamps below to make your family movie watching that much more easy for you!

First up: Movie Recap: In the 1987 movie, BIG, Tom Hanks plays the role of Josh, a 13 year old boy who’s a little shorter than average and made a wish to be “big.” He should have said tall because that’s why he woke up the next morning as a man, who moves to the big city, gets a job, a girlfriend and becomes a man in more ways than one. If you know what I mean. 

I couldn’t wait for a break from homeschooling to watch this throwback. I thought, this PG rated movie is perfect for a kid to watch. It’s PG! What could go wrong? It’s got kids, it’s got toys, it’s got FAO Schwarz, the amazing toy store in it! And it does have all those things, but it also has some interesting language, some old fashioned 1980s sexual jokes and some physical intimacy between a 30ish year old woman and a 13 year old man-boy. 

Overall, Big is a great movie and you will love it, but there are a lot of questionable parts to keep in mind depending on your kid’s age. Commonsense Media says 13+, Parents are saying 11+ and so are the kids. Finally, they agree! Honestly, the most offensive part? Susan’s giant shoulder pads. Ahhh, 80s fashion.

 

Watch Guide:

2:23 Looking down Teacher’s shirt

9:28 Bitch

19:30 Bitch

19:33 Bitch

19:48 we’ve got some hookers 

20:02  street smoking

22:27 screams and gunshots

30:12 workplace male sex talk bonding

30:37 Bullshit

30:51 Hell and ass 

30:59 Hell and ass

31:03 boob bra scene

34:05 screams and gunshots

42:28 breakfast smoking

43:02 meeting smoking

45:29 smoking break

48:28 Lovitts is me too’ing a woman on the dance floor. 

49:53 party smoking

51:52 Goddam 

56:15 there’s a reference to “spending the night”

1:00:59 car smoking

1:03:10 Goddam

1:03:12 Goddam 

1:03:19 Goddam

1:03:16 Shit

1:07:24 Billy wants a dirty mag

1:12:27 there’s kissing – the open mouth kind

1:13 shirt unbuttoning scene 

1:13:37 boob action and kissing

1:20:37 Fuck 

1:21:01 Asshole

Happy Movie Watching!

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Bryce Dallas Howard Talks ‘Dads’ And The Mental Load Of Motherhood | Scary Mommy

Just in time for Father’s Day, Bryce Dallas Howard sat down with us at Scary Mommy Speaks to give us a sneak peak at her new movie, Dads. You may know Bryce’s dad, Ron Howard, so when she decided to talk to us about this documentary, we were all ears.

You probably recognize Bryce Dallas Howard for her roles in Jurassic Park, The Help, Spiderman 3 and more. This time, you’re going to know her for directing the movie, Dads. It’s a celebration of six extraordinary fathers from across the globe. You might recognize a few of these dads because they’re some of the most famous Hollywood dads like Will Smith, Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel. We’ll get to hear about the joys and challenges of parenting straight from these dads. 

In this interview, our Scary Mommy Speaks host, Ashley Hearon-Smith, gets down to business by asking Bryce a few questions about what being a Dad means today. Ashley and Bryce tackle questions about how moms still bear most of the mental load, whether fathers change enough diapers, how dads are being left out of the parenting conversation and the old stereotype of dads as being incompetent.

Bryce puts the role of dads in perspective by discussing the culture of fatherhood, how essential it is that there be depictions of fathers and mothers carrying equal loads and the importance of seeing it happen. According to Bryce, once you see it, it becomes a standard to hold, which is what the movie, Dads, is hoping to expose.

Don’t miss this interview and treat yourself to Dads – premieres globally on Apple TV+ on June 19, 2020.

 

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When An ICU Nurse Feared Spreading COVID to Her Partner, Her Mom Friends Stepped In To Help

When Michelle Archer Stratton got the news that her ICU ward would soon be treating COVID-19 patients, she was frightened.  Being a nurse during a pandemic is already stressful and exhausting, but Michelle had the added worry of not only potentially bringing home germs to her partner, she also runs a dairy farm with animals who are potentially at risk.  

To say Michelle is a bad ass is almost an understatement.  She works in the ICU and spends any downtime as a hands-on farmer alongside her husband who is the only other employee on the farm.  Michelle put out a call on social media for a spare RV to rent as an alternative living space during the pandemic but none came through.

When Scary Mommy heard about Michelle’s story, we set out to help her find a way to isolate from her partner in hopes of relieving some of the pressures she faced during this scary time.  The Avocado Organic Green Mattress Company donated a bed and bedroom furniture to the effort, while a team of remote designers went to work in record time.

Michelle’s friends and co-workers contributed good wishes, cards and helped arrange a makeover of a workshop space on Michelle’s farm.  Full of tools and wood at first, the space was revamped to be a private bedroom for Michelle.   Watch Michelle’s reaction to seeing the space for the first time here:

 

Almost more moving than Michelle’s excitement about the new space, was her retelling of her own person story.  Known to be a very private person, Michelle reveals on camera for the first time publicly that she and her partner David have experienced six miscarriages. The most recent at 18-weeks which was all the more devastating.  Now as an essential worker in the pandemic, Michelle and David must put their fertility journey on hold until it is safe to do so.  As a nurse, Michelle describes how she is surrounded by women of childbearing age.  “All of my co-workers are moms…it was pointed out to me that I am a mom, but that my child is not with us.” She says.  

Through this project, Michelle told Scary Mommy that she became aware of the importance of talking about miscarriage and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.  “This is my story. And my story is not over.” Michelle says.

We salute Michelle and all the brave women like her who have found the courage to share their stories while working on the front lines on our fight against COVID-19.  Watch more in the I am Scary Mommy series profiling extraordinary women doing incredible things.

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3 Phrases to Cancel When Talking About Race

As parents we must talk about race. And when we do, let’s cancel these three phrases.  

For starters, anyone with kids has likely read numerous books to them about colors, recognizing colors, learning the differences between one color from another. Learning blue from purple is a milestone. Now, why would suddenly skin color be something to ignore in conversations with our kids?  The “I don’t see color” phrase is officially cancelled. We do see color. To ignore it is to ignore the differences in experiences racial groups face in a society with implicit bias – that’s a big word for holding bias without realizing you do.  We have been socialized to hold biases toward some groups over others. These biases influence the way we act and the choices we make in a variety of situations. In fact, there is a free online test you can take to prove the bias that you hold.

And while we are cancelling phrases can we please stop with the “All Lives Matter” rhetoric?  To break down why this is a problem in the terminology of several memes going around – if your house is on fire, the fire department does not come and hose down the entire neighborhood because “all houses matter.” Nope. 

The phrase Black Lives Matter does not imply that other lives don’t matter. Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you. Karen, Amy, Becky can you hear me?  Apologies in advance if one of those is actually your real name. 2020 must have been rough. But now is the time to call all the other Karens and Amys you know and have uncomfortable, courageous conversations about race.  The house is on fire moms, and we need to do something. To not act is fanning the flames.

And the final one to cancel forever is “I’m not racist so I’m not the problem.” So here’s the thing, sitting by silently doing nothing makes you part of the problem. If you are not racist, you must work to be actively “anti-racist”. Read, research, follow other thought leaders doing the work. But please don’t call your white friends and give them the load of doing your work too.

Moms know how to get shit done. This one’s going to take all of us to get even close. Let’s start today.

 

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